my name

Hibbah,

I’ve spelled it in various ways in English, sometimes out of laziness but mostly to shorten the time conversing with baristas when they ask my name for a coffee order. but I’ve only spelled it one way in Arabic. three simple letters: the first and last as easy and soft as a gentle breeze, and the middle not too strong-

هبة

sometimes, speaking it requires an inhale, drawing breath from my diaphragm “hee”.

the breath then escapes through the gate using both lips “bpaa”.

هبة

an Arabic name meaning, “a gift”

in Islamic traditions, it’s also noted as “Hebat-Allah” or “gift of God”-

a gift given with no exchange or return intended. a gift given with no strings attached.

I’ve pondered the meaning of my name several times before. tried to create poetry to capture my feelings but come short every time.

feelings of lightness and slight pride when strangers recognize the meaning. why? heavy and overwhelming thoughts as I dwell on the meaning. why?

I guess I’ll continue to play around with how the letters and sounds feel in my lungs and my mouth. and when I can, I’ll remind myself of gratitude. and find ways to pass on a gift.